It was so mean of me to have spoken bad against him. I have spoken the most untruthful blasphemy against him and I felt stupid. I know that what I did was a camouflage - to hide the hidden meaning I have in him.
We were classmates since 2nd year. I never did manage to take recognize her then. Maybe it was because I was busy doing my nerd chores then; or maybe my andro hormones were not that excited as it is today.
Albeit and I became classmates again in 3rd year. This time was different. I had strong feelings for him already. I know; I'm a foolish homo. I wasn't loving him; I was lusting over him. I don't know what struck me over him. But perhaps, it's just that his charisma (just like how he makes the girls fall for him) has taken over me. He had full of sex appeal, great body, and an okay face. At that point, he was the subject of my jack-offs. I felt bad for my self.
I know that I could never take a bit of him - and I'll try not to intend on trying it.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Fire
When I was small, I always wanted to play with fire. I like it when its red or orange. I like it best when its blue. Then one day, I accidentally slipped over my palm a lit matchstick. I got hurt, and so I never played with fire again. And never will I...
It was just recently that I opened up myself to the "truth". I talked to people and I can grasp the respect I need whenever I turn my self to them. For me that's enough for a person like; it's contentment. But still, I live upon my beliefs that I shall never indulge myself to the lies of a homosexual relationship, nor of a homosexual deed. I still am afraid based on what I hear and what I see with other friends in the community. And so, I will be happy with who I am and what will I become. If the day would start to come that I get wrecked upon what I firmly believe, It'd surely be the worst day of my life.
Since it was 2nd year that I finally lusted in mind with same sex, I have proven my self that I was truly am like one. I still remember the time I had my first ever jack-off I had plenty out from it. At first, I lusted over a nude picture of a woman but deep in mind I knew then I wanted something different. And so I saw on TV a guy and girl kissing, I knew then it was not the girl I was looking for; I lurked on the guy. Since then, my boring nerdy life became exciting with daily jack-offs.
I have always contented myself with it until now. I know; it's kind of weird for me but I do not want to explore. I don't intend to. It's because of my freaking dumb ideals that aren't really ideal. But I'm a rebel...and will always be.
It was just recently that I opened up myself to the "truth". I talked to people and I can grasp the respect I need whenever I turn my self to them. For me that's enough for a person like; it's contentment. But still, I live upon my beliefs that I shall never indulge myself to the lies of a homosexual relationship, nor of a homosexual deed. I still am afraid based on what I hear and what I see with other friends in the community. And so, I will be happy with who I am and what will I become. If the day would start to come that I get wrecked upon what I firmly believe, It'd surely be the worst day of my life.
Since it was 2nd year that I finally lusted in mind with same sex, I have proven my self that I was truly am like one. I still remember the time I had my first ever jack-off I had plenty out from it. At first, I lusted over a nude picture of a woman but deep in mind I knew then I wanted something different. And so I saw on TV a guy and girl kissing, I knew then it was not the girl I was looking for; I lurked on the guy. Since then, my boring nerdy life became exciting with daily jack-offs.
I have always contented myself with it until now. I know; it's kind of weird for me but I do not want to explore. I don't intend to. It's because of my freaking dumb ideals that aren't really ideal. But I'm a rebel...and will always be.
Hoe, the Homo in the Closet
It is hard to start writing a tale about myself. Reasons - one is that I'm too cliched; two is that I'm over-reacting; three, I'm the homo in the closet.
Yes, I am the homo in the closet.
My name is Hoe. Just like you, I'm human, a homo sapien that shares a common characterization with what you have, what everybody else has. I'm a homo in the closet; I'm gay and I'm not open to sharing it with world. Actually, I did. I shared myself already that I really am. However, I hate hearing it from myself. And so, I still hide - in the closet where I used to dump my self in, and will still be.
I'm a graduating high school student, getting ready to face the heat and steam of college life next year. I would want to share my secret wanting, lust, love, hatred, joys and sufferings in life. I would want to convey my thoughts regarding my sexuality that may be similar as yours, if it may not be same.
As I become mature, I want to share my closeted life as a "homo", a homo sapien geared towards self-expression amidst the stresses of homosexuality and all its adversities. If you have come here, it is sure you are a homo in the closet too. May not be gay as I am but you are a closeted person of thoughts inside - has a heart unvivid for others to see. I take my lead in opening my closet; I hope you take the deed too. If not, then I don't care. I'd do my stuff; you do yours.
I intend to be mean because it is natural in me. This space is mine, my world indeed. I'd start this tale as being me - the mean one. I hated myself for the longest time because I had been so good. And so the closet in me opens its doors...
Hear my tale; you may or never let go.
Yes, I am the homo in the closet.
My name is Hoe. Just like you, I'm human, a homo sapien that shares a common characterization with what you have, what everybody else has. I'm a homo in the closet; I'm gay and I'm not open to sharing it with world. Actually, I did. I shared myself already that I really am. However, I hate hearing it from myself. And so, I still hide - in the closet where I used to dump my self in, and will still be.
I'm a graduating high school student, getting ready to face the heat and steam of college life next year. I would want to share my secret wanting, lust, love, hatred, joys and sufferings in life. I would want to convey my thoughts regarding my sexuality that may be similar as yours, if it may not be same.
As I become mature, I want to share my closeted life as a "homo", a homo sapien geared towards self-expression amidst the stresses of homosexuality and all its adversities. If you have come here, it is sure you are a homo in the closet too. May not be gay as I am but you are a closeted person of thoughts inside - has a heart unvivid for others to see. I take my lead in opening my closet; I hope you take the deed too. If not, then I don't care. I'd do my stuff; you do yours.
I intend to be mean because it is natural in me. This space is mine, my world indeed. I'd start this tale as being me - the mean one. I hated myself for the longest time because I had been so good. And so the closet in me opens its doors...
Hear my tale; you may or never let go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)